Talking Marriage with the ‘Rents

Earlier I posted about how much I enjoy talking with my parents. Well 8 Days on a ship meant we covered alot of topics, but one that kept coming up was Marriage. I’m 26, single, and Mormon–M&G aren’t concerned, yet, but they want to make sure I’m headed down the right path lol. Discussions* included:

-Why I’m not married…G-Dubs thinks its got something to do my being too picky and *my aversion to wearing perfume. Momanager agrees with all of the above but adds my having too many male friends and my inability to look polished at all times to the list.

-Who I should marry…I feel like if a boy is referenced at least 3xs in the course of my rehashing a story, my mother feels that she must inquire if there is any potential with that individual, and if there isn’t, why not…

-Who I should have married…see above.

-What I should be looking for…G says someone you love and can have honest conversations with, M just points to G.

-Why they’re glad I’m not married…(wasn’t expecting that one huh?) But even though they’d love to see me in white, they are super proud that I have worn blue(Go Wellesley),  gray (suits for corporate America), and now Purple (holla atchya girl Stern). To be clear its not that they don’t think one can accomplish the above while being married, they just feel that my singledom allows me a certain degree of freedom  in how I  shape my life, that I wouldn’t have if I was married.

-What I should learn from their marriage…that it takes alot of work and sacrifice to make a marriage work and as a result its not something I should rush into.

-Its absolutely fine if I never get married…this is why I love them. In a culture where marriage is seen as the ideal, M&G have always taught me that there are other ways to live a happy and fulfilling life.

Despite their harassment I walked away from the ship completely secure in my singledom, fully aware that these conversations about marriage are a direct result of my parents love and wanting the best for me, and really really grateful that I have siblings to deflect some of their attention.

*M&G: Momanager & G-Dubs aka Mom and Dad. See earlier post

*Discussions: let me paint the picture- M&G talking, while I sit there shaking my head, while people overhearing these conversations chuckle.

*My aversion to perfume: lets just say years of my Mom drowning me perfume before every outing coupled with the fact that my nose tends to fixate on the alcohol in perfume makes me less inclined to wear it very often. Don’t worry Chanel’s Chance is aiding me in my recovery.

Vacationing with the ‘Rents

So I spent the last week on a Alaskan Cruise with the *Momanger and *G-Dubs. Despite what the Momanager thinks I had a great time, granted there were some bouts of boredom…a direct result of my decision to unplug from the internets and not participate in Cruise Ship activities as a way of mentally and physically *prepping for b-school which starts in 2weeks, more on that later…But seriously I had a fun and relaxing time: I got more sleep in the last 7 days than I’ve gotten in the last 4weeks (can you say *OP), saw some of North America’s most breathtaking landscapes (Tracy Arm’s Fjord, Mendenhall Glacier, British Columbia’s Butchart Gardens), read 2.25 books (Still making my way through “Deluxe”), 5 magazines *, and laughed really really hard with the Momanager and G-Dubs. 

 

I won’t rehash all the funny moments from our trip, I’ll just say that the laughter was a result of lots of teasing (gotta be able to laugh at yourself in this family…no one is safe), sharing and creating of memories, and awesome conversations. One of my favorite things on this planet is sitting and talking with my parents. I learn so much about them and and about myself from our chats. When I hear my mom talk about her hard childhood, and wanting more for herself and for her family, I know where I get my ambition from. When G-Dubs says that his family is the most important thing to him, I don’t have to look hard for evidence of that, and make sure that as I build my life I place it at the top of my priorities as well.

 

With that being said/written I thoroughly enjoyed my vacay with M &G and I’m glad to be moving closer to them so our hangouts can be more frequent.

 

*Momanager- my Mom’s self-selected nickname…it suits her well, trust me.

*G-Dubs- Dad

*Magazines- I read them like they’re books…cover to cover. Fact. Faves include Marie Claire, Glamour, and Instyle.

*Prepping for b-school- someone in admissions loved me and I got into NYU Stern. I start on July 9th (summer session). I had a little taste of what b-school would be like when I went to OP in Minneapolis last week. It tasted like no sleep, tons of networking/interviewing, redbull, and late night shenanigans with amazing people. As a result I’ve decided that the best way to prepare for the next two years is to exert as little energy as possible between now and July 9th. 

*OP- Is a 5 day conference hosted by the Consortium, for students starting their MBA in the fall. It was a wonderful opportunity. I got to meet some fellow Sternies*, meet some other MBA students at other schools, ran into some old friends, make new ones, network and interview for summer internships for next year. Learn more about the Consortium here: http://www.cgsm.org/about/index.asp

*Sternies: nickname for students matriculating at NYU Stern

 

“Racism in the LDS church”

It pains me to write this post, less for the subject matter, more for the fact that its 12:20am and while I’ve been stewing over the topic for several hours, (I even got on the stair master for 20mins hoping that would cool me down, all it did was remind my muscles of the agony they felt in Saturday’s body pump class) I know that it will be a while before I calm down and get to bed. Before I dive in lets cover some basics:

 1. Is the LDS Church Racist?-No. Granted some people within it like to give that impression. An example of such a person will be provided below.

2. Did the LDS church prevent members of African Descent from participating in what are  essential member activities such as participating in the Priesthood  and attending the temple? Yes. Brigham Young, the 2nd modern day prophet of the church made a declaration stating that no man who had a drop of African blood could hold the Priesthood. This decree also prevented Blacks from attending the temple.

2a. Umm  what is the “Priesthood?”-  check out the definition here:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?locale=0&sourceId=ab839daac5d98010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&vgnextoid=bbd508f54922d010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD

3. Does the LDS church still practice this? Nope, this “ban” was lifted in 1978. Here’s a link to the declaration: http://www.blacklds.org/declare2

4. Is Kdub, who is a strong black woman, aware of this “Priesthood ban?” Yes, yes I am. Some would say too aware, spent the 2nd half of my Wellesley years researching and writing my thesis on the topic. Thought once I turned in that mammoth of a paper I would never talk about this topic again.  Oh how wrong I was…

5. So knowing all of this, you still are active in the church? Yes, totally still a card carrying member of Mormonism, granted their are some *moments where I’d like to cancel my membership…this is not one of those times.

 Ok…time to dive in.

 So what prompted this post? Well today AC sent me a gchat message with a link to an article on Slate about a BYU religion professor, Randy Bott, who in a ninterview with the Washignton Post, made some very racist comments about why blacks were denied the priesthood.  You can read the editorial here: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/faithbased/2012/03/mormon_church_and_racism_a_new_controversy_about_old_teachings_.html

Read editorial’s *source here:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/politics/the-genesis-of-a-churchs-stand-on-race/2012/02/22/gIQAQZXyfR_story_3.html

**Always ask for the source…a wise  seminary teacher once told me that. His advice has proven invaluable.

 To summarize he basically said that blacks were not allowed to have the priesthood because God did not believe that they were spiritually mature enough to receive it. He then goes onto state that this was actually a blessing, since because of their immaturity they would have misuse their priesthood powers which could have landed them in the lowest rungs of hell.

 To that I say:

FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.FALSE.

My dear Professor Bott no matter how well intentioned you may be, granted I can see no signs of it in your comments, you are wrong. You have nothing to back up you comments, no Bible or Book of Mormon reference to back that up sir. You cannot point to any piece of revelation from Adam right down to * Thomas S. Monson to validate your claims. Shame on you! Shame on you, for using your position as a religion professor at BYU to spread vile information. The writers of both the Slate and the Post articles lament about how your comments may hurt Mitt Romney’s bid for President…Forget Romney. No seriously, *Barack 2012. I am more concerned about the thousands of students who have sat thru your lectures and could take this and any other fallacies you may have taught as truth (kids this is where you need to invoke that rule about asking for the source). Imagine the kid of African decent, who because he/she is black and Mormon in America already has the burden of having to constantly defend the fact that their faith is not at war with their race, and now has to listen to you talk about how their ancestors, or better yet their Dads and Grandfathers (the raising of the ban is only 34 years old) were denied the priesthood because you are claiming that God thought they were spiritually immature. Imagine how that makes them feel. Have you no idea about how that can destroy a testimony?

Now imagine the white kids in the classroom, who think your comments are fact, and harbor these ideas with them where ever they go, thus tainting their interactions with and thoughts about black people in general.

As I think about how your actions threaten to destroy unity within out multi-ethnic church community, I feel sick to my stomach. 

            I feel that since you are responsible for teaching students about Mormonism and were alive when the ban was rescinded, you should me more careful about what you say in regards to the topic of race in the church. Shame on you, and I hope that as the BYU administration considers the consequence for your actions, they place firing you at the top of their list.

 Umm…I totally did not intend for this post to turn into an open letter to Bott…but it’s my blog and I’ll do what I want.  

 The more I think about the Bott’s comments the more I accept that he is probably not alone in his vein of thought. Racism does exist within the church.  The church itself does not condone it. See this link: http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765555339/LDS-Church-condemns-past-racism-inside-and-outside-the-church.html?pg=1 for the Church’s official stance on Bott’s comments and all other acts of racism.  Although the Church condemns  racism, issues of race are still prevalent among the members and a lot of it is because while the 1978 revelation removed the ban, it and no other revelation following it has ever given clarity as to why the ban was necessary. As a result people are left to speculate…and Randy Bott can let you know the results of speculating about the purpose of the ban.  I will not speculate here but I do hope and pray that we will get more clarity in time…

So I guess your probably wondering with all of this nonsense going on why I still go to church.

Well…its because I have a strong relationship with my God, and see practicing  Mormonism as the reason for that relationship and as the best way to participate in/strengthen/ honor it.  With that said I work very hard to preserve that relationship. Writing my thesis on the priesthood ban was a form of preservation. I needed to know all the history for myself, so I could decide whether I or not I could continue using Mormonism as an expression for my relationship with God.  After writing it, I decided I could and decided that even if I encounter situations that leave me feeling that a) I should not be Mormon b) am a 2^nd class citizen with in it, I would remain firm in my beliefs.  Cue Whoppi Goldberg in Sister Act .

 Time for bed…

 *Moments where I would like to cancel my membership: Yup I have totally considered leaving the church…no need to go into them here.

* “Always ask for the source.”- Not kidding.  Do not be sheep who blindly believe that’s how you end up on a kabob…not really, but it’s your responsibility to make sure that which you take for truth is actually truth

 *Thomas S. Monson- current President/Prophet for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints

 *Barack 2012- It’s not that I’m counting Mitt out, its that he’s going to have to work very hard to take my vote away from Barry.